Threads of all colors. Photo by Chris Curry on Unsplash.

For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for prosperity and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. -Jeremiah 29:11 (NASB)

I recently turned 50, which was not only interesting because of my biological age, but because the same year also marked my 10th birthday as a believer. My eyes were finally opened at the age of 40, and I accepted Jesus’ Great Commission to spread the Good News to all the corners of the earth, which included this blog. In this way, I was a conduit in the agency of carrying His light to the dark places on this earth–and those dark places are everywhere!

As you may already know, each time you read through the Bible, it can speak to you and your circumstances in ways you never realized before. And this time, at this age, I can see how the reading above applies to my life in this day and age, and I want to share that here.

As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, my life has been drained of color early on through a traumatic childhood, and that gray lens persists to this day. But since Jesus pulled the wool off my eyes in 2013, I continue to learn to live by faith and not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7), because my depressed mind is the product of people, not of God.

And while the original context of the verse above applies to the prophet Jeremiah addressing the Israelites in exile under Nebuchanezzar, who very understandably could see no hope in their circumstances, I can see the same concept at the beginning of my fifth decade–and first decade as a believer.

Every single experience, interaction, gain, loss, trauma, celebration, sadness, and joy, all fall under God’s larger plan for our lives which we cannot ever see from His perspective. We are just following one particular thread of our timeline in God’s supermassive tapestry, as Corrie ten Boom so eloquently described it. He truly is using all things for the good of His children (Romans 8:28).

Despite being hobbled and emotionally blinded at a very young age, and living till age 40 without Jesus, I can look back with just the tiniest grain of His perspective and understand that I am typing this now–10 years later–because He carried me through all of it. And I can see that He does indeed have good plans for me, and that I will continue to be His instrument and agent of light. I won’t be perfect at it, but know that He will be there every step of the way, lighting the path, and always waiting if I stumble.

If you are reading this, I hope you can see how He is certainly doing the same with the whole of your life, using all things for a larger plan for good that you may not yet see. Keep the faith, fellow believer, and know that your biological age doesn’t matter when you’re a child of God.

Today’s soundtrack

Switchfoot’s “Meant To Live” reminds us we’re here for a far greater purpose.

Photo by Davide Cantelli on Unsplash

I waited patiently for the LORD; And He inclined to me and heard my cry.

Whenever you run across the number 40 in the bible, you know something big is about to occur:

• While Noah and family were in the ark, rain fell for 40 days and nights. (Genesis 7:4)
• When the floodwaters subsided and mountaintops could be seen, he waited 40 days to release a bird to find land. (Genesis 8:5-7)
• The Israelites wandered the wilderness for 40 years so that the generation of those who did not trust in Lord’s protection in the Promised Land would pass away, so that their descendants would enter in their stead. (Numbers 32:13)
• Goliath taunted the Israelites for 40 days before David defeated him. (1 Samuel 17:16)
• Jesus fasted for 40 days and nights in the desert before His temptation. (Matthew 4:2, Mark 1:13, Luke 4:2)
• Jesus ascended 40 days after His resurrection. (Acts 1:3)

As readers of this blog well know, the number 40 very significantly worked in my life, since I was 40 years old when God opened my eyes to accept Jesus as the Way, truth, life, and my Lord and savior.

I write this simple post as a reminder and testimony that God may test you and have you wait while He lays out His plan for you, but the result is always worth waiting for.

Like you, I still pray and believe that He continues to weave His amazing tapestry, woven from over 8 billion human lives and the world and universe we live in. And while He weaves it, we continue in faith and give Him thanks, praise, and supplication.

Keep the faith, no matter how long the journey seems. Don’t ever stop believing and praying. He’s carrying you as He lovingly weaves your story this very moment. Let us continue to walk by faith and not merely by sight.

Today’s soundtrack

“More” by Matthew West reminds us that God loves us more than all the wondrous creations He has made across this universe.

https://youtu.be/9xxVB01Cd0o

My apologies for the long pause in this blog, but the house of cards that was my life finally came crashing down, and I hope my sharing this will help others in similar circumstances to get the help they need.

But the ship struck a sandbar and ran aground. The bow stuck fast and would not move, and the stern was broken to pieces by the pounding of the surf. -Acts 27:41

Behold, I am going to do something new, Now it will spring up; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert. -Isaiah 43:19

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. -Romans 8:28

Message in a bottle

To whoever reads this note: My ship lost its way, got smashed apart, and I am now stranded on the island of Sea Kelp (seek help)! However, this island has some amazing resources I’ve been needing to get fixed up. It turns out that my shipwreck was just what was needed, because the trip was increasingly unmanageable, and my life needed this stop to regroup and rebuild.

Rewind and review

Though I was indeed saved in 2013 when a colleague led me to Jesus, I didn’t realize I was still wearing the same gray goggles of depression I’d been wearing since early childhood. It’s hard to realize something like that when you’ve haven’t seen life without them–I didn’t realize I was wearing them at all until 2021!

In 2018, I was excited to go into the field of organizational change management (OCM), but a friend told me I first needed to apply OCM to my personal life. I had no idea how true that was.

For decades, I’ve always been told I’m scowling…and when I look at photos of myself over the years, it’s true. I’ve always had this miserable lens through which I’ve lived and seen every day of my life. And while I’ve not understood why the world has always seem gray, or why I would overreact to situations and events, I did know that I would be in an even darker place every ten years or so–and this last episode was the straw that broke the camel’s back with strong, clear thoughts of suicide.

The foreshadowing tightrope vision

For decades, I’d also seen visions of a thin, thin tightrope, with a very heavy inverted pyramid-shaped weight balancing at the bottom tip of it. That single point held an immense amount of pressure on it, bowing the tightrope very low. The tightrope was very taut, always seeming on the verge of snapping.

That tightrope finally snapped in 2021, and I had to retreat from the plans I’d made to go into OCM. I let my job know, and I stepped back to get the spiritual and professional help I needed to stop the decades-long destructive cycle.

Eyes opened under the gray goggles

With lots of work with an amazing Christian therapist and supportive close friends, I now can see how developmental trauma in childhood started me on the road to persistent depression as far back as I can remember. That naturally affected how I handled friendships, dating, marriage, work, and parenting–every social aspect of my life.

In addition to the persistent depression, I was also hit with what’s called double depression every decade or so, where a major bout of depression would hit in parallel with my persistent depression.

That realization was groundbreaking, since it’s easy to see from a Christian perspective that Satan has been quietly at work for decades, telling me how little was my worth, and how the world would be better off without me. (He still is telling me these things.) He’s also holding these goggles in place–I still don’t know what life looks like without them!

But equally groundbreaking was my introduction to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), where I would acknowledge such negativity as separate from me, not fused with me. With prayer and meditation, I can see the thoughts for what they are–just thoughts.

As a people pleaser, I have learned about so many boundaries I need to set and enforce. I also need to take regular exercise, eat better, and not isolate myself. In other words, I need to live a healthy life, the way God intended for me and this vessel in which He’s placed me.

The next leg of the journey?

The new path I’ll chart is still long from being plotted. Right now, I need to spend a lot more time on Sea Kelp to process everything and learn how to live a more fruitful life. After all, how can I point people to Jesus when I’ve lost my sight of Him, not even realizing I was in an emotional, psychological, and spiritual desert?

I’m very thankful God has never left me all these years, and let the life I lived in my own strength finally collapse, so I could take stock of it all and truly lean on Him with more perspective than I’ve ever had before.

Friend, if any of the above sounds familiar to you, head straight to Sea Kelp–don’t wait till you shipwreck like I did. Stop trying to manage and control every aspect of your life, and surrender it all to God, so that He may help you (as He is helping me) to drop all the negative pressures and falsehoods the world foists on you. Let Him instead be the one who helps you to live life authentically–to your joy and His glory.

Today’s soundtrack

Now more than ever, I hark back to one of my favorite songs of all time, one that I would want played at my funeral one day: “The Words I Would Say” by Sidewalk Prophets. It’s about what I would tell you if we were face to face…that you’re here for a reason, God’s got His hand on you, and that He will do great things through you. I pray you will also go to Sea Kelp, because this is just the beginning!

His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ -Matthew 25:23 (ESV)

The trail of the Black Panther, indistinguishable from the actor who portrayed the superhero, led the world to one far greater than he.

In August 2020, in a year already beset with the worldwide coronavirus pandemic and racial strife across the U.S., another tragedy occurred: the death of 43-year-old actor Chadwick Boseman. But while his influence during his time on earth was substantial, his postmortem legacy speaks even greater volumes for his life as a beacon in the world.

Though Boseman had already taken several roles in many movies, it was his starring role in the 2018 Marvel film “The Black Panther” that made him a household name. That movie was so popular that it went on to gross over $1 billion (U.S.) in ticket sales. The movie’s popularity had much more to do than superheroes and action, but of a positive portrayal of black leading characters that would, in turn, positively influence and build up young black viewers. This significance cannot be understated.

But in the two short years after the movie, the world saw less and less of Boseman outside of his appearances in two other Marvel movies. A few paparazzi shots revealed him as increasingly gaunt and underweight. Those shots would later underline what was revealed to the world after his passing from colon cancer: he had undergone several chemotherapy treatments over the years, unbeknownst to almost everyone around him, including his movie crews and co-stars.

After his death, people around the world came forward to testify to the life he lived. He didn’t draw attention to his illness, but instead used his fame and positive influence to visit children with cancer in various hospitals. He used his own money to eliminate the financial inequity for an actress who wasn’t getting paid the way her peers were. He inspired countless youths to see that they, too, could be a part of a positive portrayal for others.

But what wasn’t mentioned as much as the above–though beautiful as they were–was that his friends and co-stars shared some of his final tweets and text messages. In those communications, Boseman simply encouraged others to stop in the middle of their harried, stressful lives and be grateful for the day the Lord had made. That no matter what happened, they could be grateful.

In hindsight, it was so clear that he lived that life every single day.

Boseman lived a life that pointed people to God, and continues to point people to God even after death. The trail of the Black Panther points to the Way, the Truth, and the Life. God is most certainly praising him on a life lived as a sweet-smelling sacrifice to Him.

The LORD will fight for you while you remain silent. -Exodus 14:14 (NASB)

They were out of options. Death was imminent.

When the Israelites were on the run from Pharaoh and his army, they were pinned down with the Red Sea at their backs, nowhere to run. They were unarmed and worn down physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Moses cried out to God, who asked Moses why he cried out to Him. God told the Israelites to move toward the Red Sea, and He would use Moses and his staff to part the sea so His people could cross on dry land.

And we all know how God saved His seemingly doomed people. All they had to do was be still in faith, rather than panic because they saw no earthly options.

In 2020, we face a viral pandemic, with a microscopic killer we cannot see. It’s like being in a horror movie, wandering through a fog at night, not knowing when something will slice through the fog and kill us.

It’s like we’re out of options. Death seems imminent.

It’s times like these where a perspective change is crucial, because these times underline our utter helplessness. Our impressive technological achievements have actually aided in accelerating the spread of this eerie killer worldwide. So now what?

Now we do as the Israelites did: we stop panicking and running. We can quiet down, get out of His way, and entrust Him with the outcome. Trust that He will use the people He needs in His plan to get us to a better place.

In our silence, we may once again hear the Spirit (instead of social media) to help us discern how to conduct ourselves in terms of safety and graciously conducting ourselves with others who may have different perspectives.

Let us be still and know that He is God, and remember that He is in control (Psalm 46:10). The fight is His.

You are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.– Ephesians 2:19-22

In the 2018 movie “Thor: Ragnarok,” the citizens of Thor’s land, Asgard, are decimated by powerful enemies during the unfolding of Ragnarok, the end of the world according to Norse mythology. Only a tiny fraction remain by the end of the film. But there is hope in a truth that is threaded throughout the movie, which is first shared by Thor’s father: Asgard isn’t a place, it’s a people.

That is a parallel for the truth here in real life, especially in the face of the COVID-19 pandemic. With believers scattered and ordered to stay in their homes while the world is ravaged by an invisible enemy that has infected over a million people at the time of this writing, we are reminded that the church–the body of Christ–is people, not a building.

It’s a truth we’ve known and heard for as long as we’ve been believers, but this is the time to truly live it. As humans, we’re built to be social and not do life alone, but the helplessness we confront in the face an enemy we cannot defeat on our own points us back to God.

In a later Marvel movie, we see that small group of surviving Asgardians get further massacred by an even more powerful enemy…but in the end of the story arc, we see the remaining survivors take root in a new land. After a hard season of surviving, they were poised to plant the seeds for thriving.

No matter where we are, we must remember to look up in total dependence upon, and praise for, Him in this Easter 2020 season. When all seems hopeless, like when it surely must have felt when the apostles witnessed the crucifixion of their Savior, we must persevere in faith as witness to His overcoming power and grace as did the apostles three days later.

We are the church. Let us witness to the world how God can use even these times of tragedy to make Himself known!

I lay inverted on the emergency room gurney, ready to die. I was in hemorrhagic shock from a GI bleed–losing so many pints of blood that my heart couldn’t pump blood to my organs–and my organs were on the verge of shutting down. I was inverted so what little blood I had left in my body would go to my brain. My face was numb, I could no longer walk, and my vision was blurring.

I was used to figuring things out for myself, but God made it clear that this situation was not one I could think my way out of. This was a time for me to remember that He alone is in control.

I looked at ceiling as my body violently shook to try and warm itself as we all waited for the ambulance to arrive. I remember thinking that it might be my last night on earth, and that if it was God’s will, so be it.

But then, I also remembered how prayer can unlock life paths God only makes available to the prayerful. So I first asked Him, as I always do, to forgive me where my praise fell short, and thanked Him for His forgiveness. I then asked Him to bring me back from the brink of death so I could serve Him through my family and other circles. I asked Him to make Himself seen through my recovery so I could tell of His work. I left those pleas at His feet.

The ambulance took me to the intensive care unit at a nearby hospital, where a massive blood transfusion team snapped into action. After the doctors cut into my neck and installed a central line (catheter) into my left jugular vein, several pints of blood were restored to my body. I stabilized over the next couple of days, and after a few more procedures to make sure I was okay, I was released to go home and recover.

God answered my prayers. He made Himself seen through the hands of the medical teams who worked on me, and brought me back from the brink of death. He gave me another chance to serve Him.

He then asked me, “What will you do now? How will you serve me with this new opportunity?”

Every moment, breath, morning, hour, week, month, and year are new chances God gives us to do better for Him than we did before–or if we weren’t here at all. What will you do with them?

Today’s soundtrack

We the Kingdom’s “Holy Water” is a refreshing take on modern praise music, describing how God’s forgiveness refreshes and revitalizes us in our desert valleys.

But whoever denies Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father in heaven. – Matthew 10:33 (ESV)

As part of the publicity blitz for the 2019 movie Toy Story 4, Tim Allen (voice of Buzz Lightyear, one of its main characters) answered a very interesting question from Parade magazine: Where would you go if you had a time machine?

He said:

I’d love to see any of the actual things that Jesus did. I would love to see the Sermon on the Mount, or the moment with his cousin John the Baptist in the Jordan River.

What an amazing way God used Tim Allen as an instrument to get the word out!

In 1999’s Toy Story 2, Mr. Potato Head saves three green alien toys from nearly flying out the window of a pizza delivery truck. Once rescued, they said in unison, “You saved our lives. We are eternally grateful!”

Likewise, Tim Allen publicly demonstrated his gratitude for the Jesus saving his soul from the pit. Let us do the same!

Today’s soundtrack

TobyMac’s “Me Without You” gives thanks to God for saving us from where we would be without Him. Thank You, Lord!

And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you. -Psalm 9:10

A staple of defensive driving courses since its release in 1950 is Disney’s animated short Motor Mania. What’s amazing about it is how relevant it still is today for its insight into human nature.

In it, Goofy is the mild-mannered Mr. Wheeler, a working man getting ready to go to work. But once behind the wheel, he transforms into a devilish (horns and all) character called Mr. Wheeler, who drag races from stoplight to stoplight, drives dangerously in traffic, endangers pedestrians, and generally puts his needs over that of everyone else on the road. Just moments earlier, he was one of those very pedestrians he is now endangering!

Sound familiar? The act of getting behind the wheel unlocks otherwise buried urges for control and dominance when we’re suddenly granted more power than any human could have when not behind the wheel. Behind the wheel, we pilot multi-ton battering rams that can literally change or end people’s lives around us.

Human nature’s fight for control and dominance over one another—and straying from God’s lane—is the same since Adam and Eve. In Genesis, Jacob’s name change to Israel (meaning “wrestles with God”) says it all.

It takes a conscious effort to not let our inner Mr. Wheeler take over in life to get over one another for our own benefit. Who’s driving in your life right now, Mr. Walker or Mr. Wheeler?

If we trust God with the wheel of our lives, He will not disappoint us in our journey—or the destination.

Very truly I tell you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be judged but has crossed over from death to life. -John 5:24 (NIV)

The hotly anticipated 2019 Marvel movie Avengers: Endgame concludes an epic, convergent story arc of over 20 interconnected movies that have come before it. In 2018’s Avengers: Infinity War, the seemingly unbeatable villain wiped out half of all life in the universe—with the snap of his fingers. In Endgame, justice will be served by fictional heroes like Thor (Norse god of thunder), Captain America, Iron Man, the Incredible Hulk, and others, likely at a bittersweet cost.

There’s only one God, ma’am, and I’m pretty sure He doesn’t dress like that. -Captain America

As engaging as that sci-fi/fantasy story is, the real world’s endgame story is one we observe every Easter: the heartrending but necessary crucifixion of Jesus, when all seemed lost…to His triumphant resurrection, saving a world condemned to the grave. This is the amazing conclusion—and God’s loving, sacrificial answer—to man’s neverending rebellion against Him.

From the beginning of man’s relationship with God, he decided to stray from God’s definition of good and evil, choosing to define it for himself. Today, that continues, with morals and ethics that are seemingly controlled by whomever is the most offended.

But speaking and living by a set, solid standard and truth often is met with friction, offense, or even fatal opposition—just look at Jesus’ life. As believers, we follow in His difficult footsteps, in a world where seemingly anything goes. But we can continue to walk by faith, and not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7). Why?

Spoiler alert: As believers, we know how the story will end. We are not doomed to the grave, but will dwell in the house of the Lord when we depart this world. I’m so grateful this story ending is the one I can actually live out!