My apologies for the long pause in this blog, but the house of cards that was my life finally came crashing down, and I hope my sharing this will help others in similar circumstances to get the help they need.

But the ship struck a sandbar and ran aground. The bow stuck fast and would not move, and the stern was broken to pieces by the pounding of the surf. -Acts 27:41

Behold, I am going to do something new, Now it will spring up; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert. -Isaiah 43:19

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. -Romans 8:28

Message in a bottle

To whoever reads this note: My ship lost its way, got smashed apart, and I am now stranded on the island of Sea Kelp (seek help)! However, this island has some amazing resources I’ve been needing to get fixed up. It turns out that my shipwreck was just what was needed, because the trip was increasingly unmanageable, and my life needed this stop to regroup and rebuild.

Rewind and review

Though I was indeed saved in 2013 when a colleague led me to Jesus, I didn’t realize I was still wearing the same gray goggles of depression I’d been wearing since early childhood. It’s hard to realize something like that when you’ve haven’t seen life without them–I didn’t realize I was wearing them at all until 2021!

In 2018, I was excited to go into the field of organizational change management (OCM), but a friend told me I first needed to apply OCM to my personal life. I had no idea how true that was.

For decades, I’ve always been told I’m scowling…and when I look at photos of myself over the years, it’s true. I’ve always had this miserable lens through which I’ve lived and seen every day of my life. And while I’ve not understood why the world has always seem gray, or why I would overreact to situations and events, I did know that I would be in an even darker place every ten years or so–and this last episode was the straw that broke the camel’s back with strong, clear thoughts of suicide.

The foreshadowing tightrope vision

For decades, I’d also seen visions of a thin, thin tightrope, with a very heavy inverted pyramid-shaped weight balancing at the bottom tip of it. That single point held an immense amount of pressure on it, bowing the tightrope very low. The tightrope was very taut, always seeming on the verge of snapping.

That tightrope finally snapped in 2021, and I had to retreat from the plans I’d made to go into OCM. I let my job know, and I stepped back to get the spiritual and professional help I needed to stop the decades-long destructive cycle.

Eyes opened under the gray goggles

With lots of work with an amazing Christian therapist and supportive close friends, I now can see how developmental trauma in childhood started me on the road to persistent depression as far back as I can remember. That naturally affected how I handled friendships, dating, marriage, work, and parenting–every social aspect of my life.

In addition to the persistent depression, I was also hit with what’s called double depression every decade or so, where a major bout of depression would hit in parallel with my persistent depression.

That realization was groundbreaking, since it’s easy to see from a Christian perspective that Satan has been quietly at work for decades, telling me how little was my worth, and how the world would be better off without me. (He still is telling me these things.) He’s also holding these goggles in place–I still don’t know what life looks like without them!

But equally groundbreaking was my introduction to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), where I would acknowledge such negativity as separate from me, not fused with me. With prayer and meditation, I can see the thoughts for what they are–just thoughts.

As a people pleaser, I have learned about so many boundaries I need to set and enforce. I also need to take regular exercise, eat better, and not isolate myself. In other words, I need to live a healthy life, the way God intended for me and this vessel in which He’s placed me.

The next leg of the journey?

The new path I’ll chart is still long from being plotted. Right now, I need to spend a lot more time on Sea Kelp to process everything and learn how to live a more fruitful life. After all, how can I point people to Jesus when I’ve lost my sight of Him, not even realizing I was in an emotional, psychological, and spiritual desert?

I’m very thankful God has never left me all these years, and let the life I lived in my own strength finally collapse, so I could take stock of it all and truly lean on Him with more perspective than I’ve ever had before.

Friend, if any of the above sounds familiar to you, head straight to Sea Kelp–don’t wait till you shipwreck like I did. Stop trying to manage and control every aspect of your life, and surrender it all to God, so that He may help you (as He is helping me) to drop all the negative pressures and falsehoods the world foists on you. Let Him instead be the one who helps you to live life authentically–to your joy and His glory.

Today’s soundtrack

Now more than ever, I hark back to one of my favorite songs of all time, one that I would want played at my funeral one day: “The Words I Would Say” by Sidewalk Prophets. It’s about what I would tell you if we were face to face…that you’re here for a reason, God’s got His hand on you, and that He will do great things through you. I pray you will also go to Sea Kelp, because this is just the beginning!

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life. -Proverbs‬ ‭13:12‬ (‭NASB)‬‬

Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD. -Psalms‬ ‭27:14‬ ‭(NASB‬‬)

The waiting period. The suspense. The despair.

When you wait for that breakthrough, that turnaround, that miracle…it almost seems pointless sometimes. It would seem more sensible to throw in the towel and quit waiting.

The Israelites constantly complained when wandering in the wilderness for 40 years—their punishment for not waiting and not trusting and not believing in God’s promises to them. They chose doubt and fear, two of Satan’s greatest tools he uses with whispering in our ears, over faith in the God who made them.

And yet, in those 40 years, God provided for them. Their clothes and shoes never wore out. Their feet and bodies were not hurt or sore! He fed them with manna and quail and other forms of sustenance. They never went lacking.

We can wait upon the Lord. We can believe that the requests we bring to Him will come to pass, according to His will and timing. We know that He is always with us, and will always provide what we need as we wait upon Him and do our best to glorify Him in how we wait.

So, this waiting period is one of opportunity to show Him we believe. It’s not one of suspense, but expectant faith. It’s not one of despair at all, but thankfulness that He is using this time to strengthen and purify us.

Prayer

Father God, waiting is indeed difficult, but so much easier and joyous when we wait upon You in obedience and servitude, rather than focusing on what we don’t have today. Please forgive us when our praise falls short. Boost our faith so we may make You known while we wait. In Your Son Jesus’ holy and powerful name we pray. Amen.

I set My rainbow in the cloud, and it shall be for the sign of the covenant between Me and the earth. -‭‭Genesis‬ ‭9:13‬ ‭(NKJV)

I recently re-watched the 1979 comedy classic “The Muppet Movie,” and it opens with the beloved song, “The Rainbow Connection.” It’s a beautiful, fanciful song performed by Kermit the Frog that muses about how people love rainbows, their nature, and what their purpose might be.

As believers, we know that rainbows mark God’s promise to never flood the whole earth again. The Great Flood was indeed a terrible sign of a dark time, when mankind shunned God and chose to do their own thing. (Today doesn’t sound so different!) God regretted making mankind, and turned the whole earth into a watery grave to reset everything–except for Noah’s family, who would start humanity and fauna over again.

Kermit’s song asks why there are so many songs about rainbows, and what’s on the other side. The song goes on to explain that rainbows are visions and only illusions, with nothing to hide. The chorus of the song says that someday we’ll find the rainbow connection. But believers already know what the connection is: the rainbow is God’s reminder to us of His promise…and His promises are unshakable, no matter what’s happening in our lives.

Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. -James 5:7 (NIV)

Do you see the streams of light through the clouds, or around the bend? That’s God’s majesty ahead of you.

When you’re waiting on an amazing breakthrough or outcome, the time spent waiting can be excruciating or even discouraging. You might even be tempted to give up on waiting. Here’s why you shouldn’t.

Like a farmer, God uses time to perfect you, to heal you, to ripen you, to make sure you’re ready for the blessings ahead. Use the time wisely to thank Him for toughening you, purifying you, and laying out everything ahead just right. And the prayers of the righteous do not fall on deaf ears!

The storyline of your life is interwoven like a tapestry with the lives of others, and God is perfectly weaving them all together at the right times and places.

We can thank Him for His perfect plans; thank Him for hearing and answering our prayers; pray to Him in Jesus’ name, knowing it will be done; surrender all to Him in faith, obedience, and surrender (just like Abraham); and ask Him to continue to boost us as a testimony and song of praise to His glory.

Don’t give up. Don’t give in. He hears your prayers and cries. But while you wait, wait with eyes on Him and not your current situation, because now is just a stop on the way to God’s better plans ahead!

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. -Romans 5:3-4 (NIV)

In the 1984 movie The Karate Kid, an American teenager is under the tutelage of a Japanese martial arts teacher. The boy, Daniel, has been bullied and wants to change his situation…but doesn’t see what work is ahead to make it happen.

Daniel has to wash and wax cars by hand over and over again. He has to paint fences, sand decks, too. What?

As we all know, these seemingly repetitive motions have a purpose…to condition Daniel for greater challenges ahead. They also give him perseverance and patience in the face of seemingly endless, grueling situations.

In life, God may put us through painful, grueling situations without any end in sight–at least to our limited view. Can we trust that He has His reasons in them? Can we find His blessings in them? Can we hone our technique of looking at the situation with eyes of compassion, and responding with grace?

In applied terms, this might be understanding that hurtful people are really just showing how hurt they are inside. It might be stopping to take a deep breath before responding, so that our words and actions please God, rather than our flesh. And it most certainly is trusting and thanking God for these trials, because He wants to refine us further…ever closer to Christlikeness.

He’s not done with us yet, which shows His love for us. We love and praise Him always, and entrust Him with our future, always praying and believing.

Wax on, wax off!

Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. -Ephesians 6:13 (NASB)

Ever had your hopes soar, only to be shot down?

Just when you see a glimpse of daylight in the that long, dark season you’ve been in, it disappears just as quickly as it came. Your heart gets frustrated after jumping at the even slender possibility of the end in sight. But take heart. Here’s why.

Those glimpses of light in the dark are not there to tease or torment you, but to encourage you. Just like when you’re swimming underwater, even coming up to get a small breath of air is better than none at all.

Take the blip of light as an encouragement to know that, yes, light still does exist, and it still can and will pierce the darkness you’re in. Just like the telltale drips of water that come long before a dam bursts, those momentary lights precede the flood of light to come.

Thank God for that flash of light as if it were a wink from Him to let you know that it’s not over yet, and that He is indeed with you. Don’t give up!

Today’s soundtrack

For King & Country’s “It’s Not Over Yet” encourages us to stick it out through our struggles, because God’s with us and ready to carry us past it!

Did this song move you? Get it on Amazon Music »

How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? -Psalms‬ ‭13:1‬ ‭(NASB)

I waited patiently for the Lord; And He inclined to me and heard my cry. -Psalms 40:1 (NASB)

These are dark times. Lawlessness seems to be the order of the day, whether in the news with terrorists worldwide, or in the chaos of our own lives. I had a colleague tell me about his personal torment, and he lamented, “God, where are you? You can show up any time now!”

I promised him that God is right there with him, and will use even these times to His glory, as He has shown throughout Scripture. But sometimes, the assurances of God’s unfailing love can fall on deaf, hurting ears.

On social media, especially at the time of this writing, I see the recurring question: what is happening in the world? People are being killed, people are violently protesting the killings, and friends and family are drawing their battle lines on these and other issues.

In some ways, that’s nothing new. But what was especially distressing to me was what one friend wrote on Facebook. She said that God won’t fix anything, and neither will prayer…and that only our actions will make any change. She was particularly annoyed with all the PRAY FOR _____ images and petitions making the rounds on social media.

For these two people, my colleague and my friend, they are hurting people whose pain and frustration is ringing louder in their ear than God’s promises. And if we let them, the enemy’s lies can deafen us to the truth.

In truth, God commands us to pray. He calls us to act. He calls us to believe He’s working, even when we don’t see what we want to see. Where is God? He’s sitting on His throne. He sees all. He controls and allows all. He’s also right here with us, working out all things for His children, and to His glory.

Are we to pray? Absolutely. Prayer can unlock outcomes God won’t fulfill without our choice to pray…to switch to a path only reachable through prayer.

God is very much there, and prayer is the powerful connection to our Creator, who absolutely does see and reign over all. Because of Him, our hope is right before us, if only we believe.

Today’s soundtrack

Danny Gokey’s “Hope In Front Of Me” reminds us that there is always hope, because He is our hope…and He is always there.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life. -Proverbs 13:12 (NKJV)

Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. -Luke 18:1 (NIV)

As we well know, faith is the confidence in what we hope for, and the assurance of things we can’t see (Hebrews 11:1). Hebrews is a wonderful book, and chapter 11 in particular gives us example after example of lives lived in faith, when circumstances and worldly evidence would tell us to give up and turn tail.

The writers of Hebrews go on to explain that, without faith, it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6). That’s all well and good when waters are smooth, but what about when our ship gets rocked…or wrecked?

Our faith and belief and trust in the Lord, His plans, His thoughts, His ways, His promises, His lovingkindness, needs to penetrate to the very bottom of the depths of our hearts. The seed of faith and belief in Him needs to grow deep, deep roots in rich soil.

To do that, we constantly need to come to the living water and replenish ourselves in His Word and in fellowship with His children. To do that, we need to live lives for Him first, even above ourselves and loved ones. To do that, we need to surrender all areas of our lives, including projected outcomes. Remember when God asked Abraham to surrender his own fulfilled hope, Isaac? In complete faith, Abraham did as he was told, and God stopped him just before sacrificing Isaac…and then, God’s promise of fruitfulness was immediately fulfilled (Genesis 22:16-17).

We also must pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17), and persistently as the widow in Jesus’ parable (Luke 18:1-8), most importantly believing and knowing that for which we pray in God’s will shall come to pass (Matthew 21:22).

Can you do it? No matter what befalls you in life? I tell you, fellow agent, that when I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, He forever transformed me by opening my eyes with His light. And to Him who sacrificed all for all of us, transforming our lives as we accept Him and live for Him, I know He can do anything. And that no matter what circumstances look like now, I know His plans for His children are good and prosperous (Jeremiah 29:11), and that He will use all things for our good (Romans 8:28).

Fellow agent, plant and water that tiny mustard seed of faith with His living water. Don’t dry up. He will take that seed and make it blossom it to His glory. Just wait and see!

He gives power to the weak, And to those who have no might He increases strength. -Isaiah 40:29 (NKJV)

I write this after long days and nights of work at work, then work at home, which are just extra grains of sand atop months and years of the same. And I know I can’t keep this up. I’m only getting older, and it’s only getting harder to sustain this. I’m drained.

The writing, however, is on the wall: I cannot sustain this pace or this load. It is unsustainable.

A cousin shared the above verse on Facebook, and I know that it was meant for me (and others) to see, because God works through each of us to help one another. He’s amazing that way!

Sometimes, God gives us a burden too great for us to handle alone, so we must lean on Him to make it through (1 Corinthians 10:13). And sometimes, we overburden ourselves by getting lost in busyness and overexertion. I plead guilty to the latter.

But, as always, God carries me and even gave me a second wind to make it through another day, despite my stewardship stumbles. He never fails, though He could easily have determined that I would need to learn the hard way about taking on too much in my own strength.

In all things, whether work or personal, with people or with events, we need structure that first prioritizes Him. If we aren’t consciously and deliberately ordering Him first in our list, and then choosing each item below Him to honor Him, then we’re going it alone. We’re doing it the old way, like unbelievers. Part of structure is boundaries, where we understand where overwork or overstepping or abuse is violating healthy boundaries. (I highly recommend “Boundaries,” by Drs. Cloud and Townsend.)

The more we put boundaries in place, structure will be formed, and we can then grow upward to God like a flower under His sun, instead of being overextended and spread outward in too many directions.

So if you’ve fallen in the same trap I have, stop and look up. The vastness of God and all His creation can remind you that He can handle anything. Our hope is in Him alone, and He will energize us and raise us like no one else can when we aim to please Him!

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. -Isaiah 40:30-31 (NIV)

I have a friend who’s going through particularly tough times in his life, and as a concerned friend, it’s almost like watching a painful scene unfold before you in a movie. There’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t make the person snap out of their funk, or keep them from spiraling down. You can’t fix them, as much as you want to.

You feel helpless and powerless when you see that, and you can dangerously let the attachment bring you down, too. But that very feeling of helplessness and powerlessness can remind us that we are not the ones in control. God is.

While it’s futile for us to try and get out of the quicksand or tar pit on our own, we can do all things through Christ who strengthens and buoys us. He gives us the lifeline to get out of the pit we’re in. And if we’re the one supporting the one in the pit, then we can act as a channel and conduit for His love to help them out.

But we shouldn’t think that we alone have done anything to rescue or help anyone in our own strength, and certainly not for anything in return (payment, recognition, etc.), but that we were moved and powered by the Spirit to help another one of His children…to bring them to Him.

Hope is never gone as long as we’re keeping our eyes on the Lord. Whether you’re in the pit, or helping someone else out of it, come back to the basics: that God alone is our rock, our hope, and our redeemer. And when we do that, we will rise with Him!

Today’s soundtrack

“Love Them Like Jesus” by Casting Crowns reminds us that when we have no words or actions to help those in need, we are to bring the hurting and brokenhearted to Him.