Woe to those who deeply hide their plans from the Lord, And whose deeds are done in a dark place, And they say, “Who sees us?” or “Who knows us?” -Isaiah 29:15 (NASB)

It’s said that what you say about someone after you hang up the phone with them that reveals who you really are.

Likewise, you don’t have to spend much time online to see how people express themselves in ways that they probably wouldn’t in person.

The cover of darkness and anonymity online actually reveals the contents of people’s hearts.

Suddenly, the ugliness and hate and sin tucked away in men’s hearts are given the reins. Saying and doing hurtful, hateful, and terrible things seem to be the norm, rather than the exception. (YouTube comments, by the way, are pretty much scraping the bottom of the barrel!)

But the character of true believers is one of consistency, where we behave the same in light or darkness. We do and say the right thing in truth and love no matter who’s watching or not watching.

Sure, we all stumble from time to time, but as children of the light, we repent and return to the light, and strive to be a reflection of His light even in the darkness. May we be living proof of God and what pleases him.

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. -Ephesians 5:8-11 (NIV)

And the great dragon was thrown down, the serpent of old who is called the devil and Satan, who deceives the whole world; he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him. -Revelation 12:9 (NASB)

Perhaps one of the most bizarre videos I’ve ever seen in my life was a VHS copy of 1980s megastar Mr. T’s “Be Somebody or Be Somebody’s Fool” (1984), a collection of cheesy and cringe-worthy skits and setups for life lessons he would impart to viewers. There were musical numbers, ’80s musicians, and some really terrible acting.

Some of the lessons were not executed well, but despite that, a few of the segments taught young viewers about things like how to recoup from a fall, respecting your mother, and to not cave to peer pressure.

(If you think you can stand it, you can see the whole video on YouTube.)

If there were one consistent theme I’d say ran through the whole video, it would be that one should live with awareness and discernment of one’s situation, and one’s sense of self.

For true believers, discernment when dealing with the world in each moment, and sense of identity in Christ, are crucial to navigating life. Without them, we’re just dinghies being tossed about by the wind and waves of life, trying to find the next thing that might give guidance and meaning to our lives…only to be left wanting again.

Indeed, I can testify that without a sense of identity in Christ, you can be duped by the ruler of this world. I was duped for 40 years, seeking but never finding…till Jesus opened my eyes. Become an agent and be somebody in Christ, or be the Deceiver’s fool.

Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven. -Matthew‬ ‭5:16‬ ‭(NASB)

Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage–with great patience and careful instruction. -2 Timothy 4:2 (NIV)

The fascinating discipline of apologetics is the defense and proof of the faith and God through discourse and argumentation. It’s something we all could learn to do better, to be able to respond when Jesus is being blasphemed in this world.

The testimony and lessons God teaches me that I record on this blog, and many other devotional blogs like it, offer proof and testimony of God’s fingerprints on us and the world around it. But there’s something I’d argue is even more important than a spoken or written defense: a living defense.

More is caught than taught, the old saying goes. And just like with raising children, we can argue a point till we’re blue in the face, but if we’re not practicing it ourselves, our words can fall on deaf ears…and our words can seem hollow.

So to that point, I argue that we prove God’s existence and love by living our faith intentionally. By choosing to act and react as Jesus would, rather than instinctually reacting in our flesh when the world bites us. By not getting hostile or defensive with critics of the faith. By measuring every moment before impulsively jumping into it. By living in a way that the world sees Him and not us.

Let’s talk the apologetics talk, but also walk it.

Today’s soundtrack

Sidewalk Prophets’ “Live Like That” tells God we want the world to see Him in everything we say and do.

He said to them, “The Scriptures declare, ‘My Temple will be called a house of prayer,’ but you have turned it into a den of thieves!” -Matthew 21:13 (NLT)

You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. -James 4:4 (NIV)

The other day, my little boy told me he didn’t want to go to school any more because one of his classmates kept chasing him at recess. I told him that there were two things to do: stop running, and to tell the boy chasing him that he wouldn’t play with him any more if he kept chasing him.

With a troubled face, my son asked: But what if he cries?

It was then that I realized that sometimes parents tell kids to do or not do (insert action here) to avoid upsetting others. (“You don’t want that person to be upset, do you?”) But that not only trains kids to think that placating others is the priority, but also potentially gives manipulative control to those who will act upset to get their way.

Jesus didn’t tiptoe around people who were offended by who He was and what He did. He didn’t let others bully him or determine how He’d live.

He lived by doing what was right in His Father’s eyes, upsetting to others or not. And likewise, so should we live, and show it to our children, and spouses, and friends and family…and all the world who watch us. If we’re living to please the Lord, that’s often at odds with a world that wants us to be nice and quiet Christians, and not be blazing beacons of His light.

So I told my son that we do what is right, even if it upsets others. We face our problems. We confront them. We speak out to and against them. We set boundaries. By doing so, we follow in Jesus’ footsteps. He wasn’t a shrinking violet or doormat, and neither should we be.

We glorify God by following in His Son’s truthful and righteous footsteps, not by rolling over to keep a false peace.

An open rebuke is better than hidden love! Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy. -Proverbs 27:5-6 (NLT)

For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline. -2 Timothy 1:7 (NASB)

I grew up in a household and culture where confrontation was taboo, and avoidance was the unspoken rule. To speak your mind was to confront, to possibly imply that someone else was wrong, and neither one was okay. It was the unspoken rule to be quiet, be obedient, and keep my thoughts to myself.

This had tremendous consequences in personal and business relationships, even to this day. Avoidance of issues and confrontation could make for worse consequences down the road…consequences that could have been avoided if I’d spoken up earlier.

The other byproducts of avoidance are resentment and secrecy. Not feeling free to speak and share meant I had to either be disgruntled and stuff my feelings, or act in secret to get my way while still not causing a disturbance.

But Jesus woke me up, broke my elephant chain, and showed me what He did: He confronted sin directly. He went deep into the uncomfortable, unpleasant, and unfriendly places to show what love really looked like.

When we truly love others, we lovingly speak up and out against sin and wrongdoing. It may not be met with gratitude or even love or kindness in return, but we know we follow in His footsteps when we righteously stand up and speak up.

Call out abuse. Call out rudeness. Speak what’s on your heart, rather than holding it in again. Stop the enabling and codependency you’ve been unwittingly generating.

It’s not always easy to do that, especially if you’ve been conditioned to not rock the boat at any cost. But whether it’s your child or your spouse or your boss, know He will carry and support you–and even forge you a backbone–as you act and speak out in love, exposing sin in His light of truth. True love confronts.

It [God’s grace] teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age. -Titus 2:12 (NIV)

If you’re a nice person who’s tired of being taken advantage of and treated like a doormat, I want to share with you the Reese’s peanut butter cups of truth Jesus laid on me.

Reese’s peanut butter cups?!?

Let me explain. In the ’80S, there was a television ad where a man was walking down the sidewalk enjoying a chocolate bar, and a woman walking on an intersecting sidewalk was enjoying their jar of peanut butter. (Who does that?)

The two end up colliding with each other, and the man’s chocolate bar ends up in the woman’s peanut butter jar…and they discover that the unexpected combination is an amazing synthesis!

And so it is with two separate lessons Jesus, the light of truth on the lies in our lives, showed to me that I needed to put boundaries and truth, not niceness together to make a better…stronger…healthier me than ever before.

Boundaries: The chocolate part of the mix

As I wrote in Build fences, not walls, boundaries are our explicit expression of where others end and we begin. It’s a friendly demarcation, like a boundary line of a piece of land. It’s like a fence, not a wall. For example, we can healthily express when we don’t have time or resources to help someone else. We can tell someone that if they continue to act poorly to us, we will not stay in their presence and needlessly bear the brunt of it.

Without boundaries, we have no fence for others to clearly understand who we are. And for those who don’t understand boundaries and possibly are used to getting their way, they will gladly overrun you. It’s the perfect storm for codependency.

By setting boundaries, you’re no longer a prisoner in the cell of your own making.

Niceness: The peanut butter part of the mix

Niceness is the other culprit. Also mentioned in Doormat no more, niceness is passive aggressively living a boundary-less life, constantly giving and taking on unnecessary work and personal burdens. Resentment builds and builds, until your dam finally bursts and no one knows why. The cure for such lack of disingenuousness is honesty, not spoken bluntly or barked, but firmly and calmly. No, I won’t be doing your _______ for you any more. I’ve been taking on too much for myself, and shortchanging you of doing it for yourself.

What is revealed when you trust in God as you take such stands is this: the people in your life who understand and respect you and your boundaries will have no issue with it. They will thank you for expressing yourself honestly…and respecting them enough to do just that. The people who don’t understand or respect boundaries will not take well to it at all. And you can thank Jesus for helping you shed light on those two groups!

So why doesn’t God just make my life better for me?

Want healthier interpersonal relationships, rather than asking God why were you cast your lot in life, and why doesn’t He fix it for you? The revelation He gave me was that He does want to fix those things…through you! He wants us to take responsibility for our actions and boundaries, which not only affect our emotional and spiritual health and growth, but that of others around us.

Yes, that will likely mean you will face hostility from those who weren’t used to having boundaries to respect. Yes, you may feel very uncomfortable with the displeasure of others when you’re not doing things for them that they could do for themselves. But God wants you to live in the freedom of emotional healthiness, not the bondage of twisted relationship dynamics. And, the more you stand up and live boldly and freely and righteously in emotional and spiritual truth, the less that the takers in your life will be around, because you’re no longer fueling their tendencies. They’ll have to look elsewhere, or possibly change their perspective as well.

It took over 40 years till Jesus decided it was time to open my eyes to Him, and the amazing journey of emotional and spiritual growth ahead. If you battle with niceness, resentment, and boundary issues, I pray the lessons Jesus sparked in me will do the same for you!

A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. -Proverbs‬ ‭14:30‬ ‭(NIV)

It always seems like everyone else on Facebook and social media are having a better life than you. They’re going to exotic places, eating food you’ve never had, smiling and laughing all the time, and not having any problems at all. You might think that your life is just terrible and misguided by comparison. It’s like you’re trudging through yet another desert, and they’re always in paradise.

In truth, what you’re seeing is an oasis in the desert, much like what you consume when you read or watch the news: you’re getting a curated collection of stories, carefully selected for consumption. It’s just a very small subset of all the stories of people’s lives.

What to do?

When you look at your social media feed, remind yourself that everyone who’s posted to it has chosen to share what you see. Likewise, you’re also choosing what to share and not share. Believe it or not, your life may seem like an oasis to others!

Most importantly, think twice about before you post. How would your post be read and received on the other end? Does what you post add any sort of value to their lives, and/or in some way lift them up? And, is what you’re posting making God known and glorified?

I can honestly say that I haven’t thought enough about those questions before making some posts. But I certainly do make more of an effort to be more conscientious as I go.

Just remember: the grass may seem greener in that social media oasis on the screen before you, but it’s all a curated illusion. Our green grass, our peace, is found within us, hard won through the blood of Christ.

A bowl of vegetables with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate. -Proverbs 15:17 (NLT)

In the 1999 film The Matrix, it’s revealed to the viewer that the world we live in is an illusion…a lie. The world isn’t how our fooled eyes see it at all, but only those who’ve been awakened from their induced slumber would ever know…and see the world for how terrible the world really is.

At the same time, however, our knowledge of the actual world and how it functions lets us operate in truth, and do our best to awaken others as well. Some, however, would prefer to deny the truth and live the lie.

In The Matrix, Cypher, one of the awakened people re-enters the Matrix and chooses to side with enemy agents. Much like how the Pharisees paid Judas thirty pieces of silver to betray Jesus, the enemy agents promise Cypher the luxuries of the Matrix (fame, importance, no memory of past pain) to betray his awakened brethren. Cypher enjoys a succulent steak at a fine restaurant with the agents, but acknowledges that it’s not real…and that he doesn’t care, and prefers it to the hard realities of the real world.

As a thinly veiled allegory for our own world, the Matrix is a shiny but hollow lie. Once we’re awakened to the truth of the world, and who its ruler is (Satan), we cannot side with it…revel in it…chase its false idols (money and material things). We pursue God. Live in the truth, because He carries us here in this world, and is the only way to the next!

In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. -Matthew 5:16 (NIV)

Interaction dynamics between people is always interesting…different personalities mixing with other ones can be explosive, or dominating.

Even if we just look in our own families, there’s a wide, wide range of personalities. You have the hotheads, who are aggressive, and quick to blurt out inflammatory words. On the other end, you have the doormats, who will do just about anything to keep the peace, often at their own cost.

Neither extreme honors God. We’re not to just hotheadedly put ourselves over others, nor are we to back down when the just and righteous way is to speak up. The aggressive approach lacks the grace God gives us, and the doormat approach lacks the backbone He gives us.

In Paul Coughlin’s No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice–Instead of Good–Hurts Men, Women and Children (and yes, there’s also a No More Christian Nice Girl), the author talks first about how aggressive types, who are quick to speak and judge, may be outwardly truer to their feelings, but the value of their expression is dubious. Their manner also reflects narrowness of focus, rather than a broader scope of issues at play. (p. 161)

He then goes on to a fundamental misunderstanding for the doormat types:

They think the opposite of conflict is appeasement, which sometimes includes timid deception. The opposite of conflict actually is resolution, a process that demands bold truthfulness. (p. 162)

We need to look back to how Jesus walked and talked. In His brief public ministry here on earth, Jesus was no pushover, nor was he a brash blowhard. He acted boldly but lovingly, tempered by grace. And, He always spoke in the truth.

If we want change in our lives, we need to follow Jesus’ lead, to be assertive and bold, with grace. That is the true and loving way, following His walk. And when we do that, we’re getting out of our own way and letting God’s love flow through us and others around us. I want to live like that…Him through me, for His glory. Don’t you?

And he continued, “You have a fine way of setting aside the commands of God in order to observe your own traditions! -‭‭Mark‬ ‭7:9‬ ‭(NIV)

Jesus had a way of cutting to the chase. In Mark 7, we see various groups trying to trip up Jesus with fine print and trick questions. But Jesus told them that they were just getting in the way of God’s people pursuing God.

Whether it’s the new year, or any time of year, it’s worth praying to the Holy Spirit to help us discern distortion or barriers between us and God. Jesus would, at the drop of a hat, exhibit righteous anger at those obstructing pure, direct relationship with God. Remember how He told His own apostles to get out of the way when children wanted to talk to Him? Remember how He would overturn the tables of vendors and money changers when they would distract worshippers from going deeper into the temple?

As it was with them, we are also obstructed from God through obfuscation and distortion. Many teachers will deftly use longstanding traditions and distractions (like feel-good theology) to make you think you’re going directly to God through His son, but they’re instead siphoning your funds and attention. What can you do about it?

Stick with God’s inerrant Word as the lens and litmus test to sniff out the falsehoods and barriers between you and God. It might be false doctrines. It might be customs you’re long accustomed to. But are they biblical? Search God’s Word to find out. Pray that the Spirit gives you the discernment to take notice of what has been under your nose the whole time.

It’s all about our direct relationship with the Lord, not the manmade constructs and filters of religion and tradition.